Dane. Designer.

Old Blog

Land of the Dead (2005)

Rikke and I paid good money to see Land of the Dead yesterday. What a pile of steaming goat dung. Suspending disbelief, yes. Suspending all sense of logic, no. Surprisingly the reviews have been fairly kind to it, which I just don’t get. So I went to IMDB and checked out what the geeks had to say, which by and large was as pointless as the movie itself.

Listen up IMDB nerds: There is no scathing social commentary in LotD, which hasn’t already been seen several times over in Romero’s own movies! Furthermore, the characters are painfully shallow, to the point of being little better than cardboard cutouts. Zombies that communicate, have a leader and use guns?... I want to strangle someone.

From where I’m standing zombies are a plague. Entirely indifferent. They’re not a fucking army, and they sure as fuck don’t have motives. It’s just not interesting at all to see zombies thinking, in the same way that it’s uninteresting to see the aliens in Alien Resurrection ‘thinking’. That’s not what makes them scary. That’s not what makes them interesting.

That’s one thing, a personal preference if you will. Another thing entirely is this: The world is fucked, the dead are alive, and we’re fucked. We barricade ourselves in a city; makes sense. Now what’s easier, building a vehicle (which ‘costs’ two million dollars) called Dead Reckoning, or… Driving to the nearest military base and take a couple of APC’s?

Gosh, you know, I think… hmmm, let me think about this… Yeah, I’ll go with the APC’s. That way I have impregnable vehicles built for combat, capable of carrying people and supplies in an efficient manner, and I have spare parts and manuals for repairing them, should they break.

Furthermore, I’ll be using an old-school paper map and compass to navigate, not a stinking cyber-computer firing solution thingie. And that’s not even mentioning the ‘remote control’ used to turn off the missile tubes… WHAT!? That’s stupid. Alright? Stupid!

And my God man, money? Money has no value. If the world ends tomorrow, do you think anyone will accept money as a currency? Hell fucking no.

Food, shelter, medical supplies and security. These are the things people need. Whoever has these things is in control. Now LotD neglected to tell us how Kaufmann remained in control, but as far as I could see, he had no leverage at all, no loyalists, no nothing.

The zombies themselves sucked, in my opinion, ass. I rewatched Shaun of the Dead tonight, and if you want great zombies, you’d be better off watching it instead.

So enough of that, I could go on for hours.

Which reminds me, another thing which can and does go on for hours, is Alien 3000, a movie Rasmus my neighbor, and I fast forwarded our way through after Shaun of the Dead. All that needs to be said about it, is summed up nicely in this thread on IMDB, where investors are trying to figure out how to contact the production company to find out what happened to their money… I wonder the same thing.