Dane. Designer.

Old Blog

One Year Anniversary

Bonsai

You know, there are times when I wish I didn’t have overhanging responsibilities. I love my job, really it’s my absolute dream-job. But, since I started my blog one year ago (exactly), I have really grown to love the outlet it has provided me with.

When I don’t write an entry for a day or two, or when there’s something important I want to scribble down my thoughts on, I just wish I had more time that I could dedicate to it. But you know how it is, things bunch up. Last year I had more time than I could ever have hoped to use, now it’s a battle of priorities. Which brings about the idea that it would be kinda cool to take a couple of sabbatical years of pure unadulterated blogging.

Now I was about to launch myself into a “... But that’s just one of those dreams we all have from time to time I guess. The kind we as responsible parents, years from now (or maybe you’ve already been there), tell our kids not to pursue, no security to be had there!”... But then I came to thinking that, hey; I do computer games for a living. Anything is possible!

But, let’s focus on the matter at hand. The anniversary. Now I could do a rundown of the achievements we’ve made together over the last year, but first of all you’ll remember if you were there, and if you weren’t, here’s the archive, knock yourself out.

Which leaves me to sort out what exactly I am going to talk about…

Essentially I really wish I had more time to write this entry. There are so many things I would like to talk about, to point out and reminiscence. You know, douse ourselves in that old nostalgia. But as things go, time is a rather precious commodity, and to be quite frank I’m also afraid of sobbing too long over something as fleeting as biased opinions from someone as bald, irate and blatantly opinionated as myself.

I look back on the last year as a tremendous learning experience and what has turned out to be an on-going insight into myself as a person. I have come to know some of you very well and I really appreciate the time that you take to not only read, but also respond to whatever meanderings I choose to publish here.

My blog, as the blogs of my friends, have proved absolutely invaluable tools for keeping in contact with my friends out there in the world and I’m gracious that we decided to invite these new guests into our lives in the first place.

Now, I was looking over some of those ‘old’ entries, and it’s a strange thing to look back on a slice of yourself from yesteryear. I recognize it as being my own, but then again it also feels slightly uneasy. Compared to – at least some of – what I write today, it seems almost as if I wrote some of it without recognizing the fact that it was going to be put permanently out ‘there’ for everyone to read (should they have too much time on their hands).

Which has lead me to become more and more of a staunch believer in editing prior to publication. You can have the coolest design on the blogosphere and some strong arguments that are deserving of readers, but if you constantly splel lkie this, nobdy carez!

Which is also one of the things that really makes me shake my head in grief, when I glance back at some of the blar blar blar entries I have brought you over the last year. They’re just horrible. Better than for instance this newsgroup posting of mine from November 26th 1996, but only marginally (Professional homepages for the people!... Because we all know that secret government organizations, clad fashionably in black, are plotting as we speak against professional homepages for the people…). I am just amazed that I didn’t post under my handle, rather than my real name.

I do however feel that I’ve moved forward a lot. Though as with the bunching up of things-to-do; good and bad stretches are equally cyclical. There have been times where I believed I had found a path that I would like to see Binary Bonsai move down. Only to find, a month later, that the content had once again regressed back to the same stuff I had been writing 3 months before that. And I think it circles back to what is – IMO – one of my greatest weaknesses, while at the same time being one of my best traits.

I detest, staleness. I hate playing a game or watching a movie, where it’s clear that there is no intent to push things forward. And don’t get me wrong. I understand the that in the grand scheme of things, most people are quite content to ‘merely’ make a living, and I respect that.

Also there is of course some ease in following the same old formula over and over. And you can do that and get away with good results at the same time. Nobody expects you to write a movie review to end all movie reviews, they just want the facts; is it worth their time or not?

But I can feel that when I write something where I don’t take the time to iron out the details, I inevitably feel that I could do – hell I should do better. And I get mad at myself. Or perhaps rather frustrated. Frustrated that I pushed that publish button before I was 100% satisfied with the content.

There are plenty of times where quality inevitably suffers under the belts of time-constraints – the game development industry being one such place – but this is my blog. And I necessarily ask myself, as I do in most things I take seriously: If I don’t strive for Kubrickian standards, what exactly am I aiming for? Mediocrity? Is that satisfactory?

Is good enough, good enough?

No.

In fact: Hell No.

Life has perpetuated itself against odds of meta-biblical proportions. Intelligent life twice so, and I would hate to believe that we crawled down out of the trees so that I could waste your days with something that I cannot stand by fully. So enough of that. From here on in I won’t let myself off that easy.

I have opposable thumbs dammit; hear me roar.