Stand Back! The Mighty Pop-Culture Clairvoyant!
So I was sitting on the john this morning; as I do (you can write that down in your Michael Heilemann fan book; essential piece of information for that episode of Jeopardy I forsee you taking part in). Suddenly, out of nowhere, ‘A Semi-Charmed Kind of Life’ by Third Eye Blind (what kind of a name is that anyway?), popped into my head. Not a bad song to start the day off with, I thought. Weird though, because I couldn’t recall having heard it recently.
Well, I finished my business, took of my clothes for a shower (again, I shower naked; valuable information for your book) and turned on the radio (because I invite serial killers and terminators into our apartment by turning on the radio and singing along, so that they may sneak themselves up real close in a “Oh no! Turn around!” suspense scene… Bad habit I guess)... Anyway, as you’ve guessed by now, that very same damn song was on the radio! And not only was it on the radio, it was just beginning!
I know what you’re thinking (no, it’s just a figure of speech; I haven’t harnessed my ability to that extent… yet!): that makes me just about as cool as Nicholas Cage in that wacky Philip K. Dick-based flick; Next!
Except of course, I’m not chased around by an uninspired Julianne Moore, nor do I have—out of the ordinary—visions of Jessica Biel. And most of all, I haven’t so far taken part in a skip-worthy action climax, done in the cheapest possible way.
I do however look a bit daft, and my hairline is receding, so Nick Cage and myself are practically one and the same…
Oh, I have another thing coming… Yes, yes… It’s very clear… You’ll have closed this browser tab by now…
Scary, ain’t it?