Dane. Designer.

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Transformers Review

Optimus Prime

So to kick off our two week vacation (in which I’m doing nada, but for a single night with Metallica and some days back in Jutland), we went to see Transformers, more than a little worried that it would suck as much as it was hyped.

But you know what? It didn’t! In fact, it was fucking! AWESOME!

Mild spoilers!

In fact, aside from a sub-par generic Michael Bay score, a slightly slow middle-section with a stupid ‘let’s go to the dusty old room’ part, action cinematography that was often too ‘smart’ and up-close for its own good as well as clammy Michael Bay touches, like slutty bimbo’s (I swear, not a single ‘nice girl’ in sight) and some serious military masturbation, it was spot on!

Really.

Well done Michael Bay! One part E.T. (boy meets alien, befriends alien, tries to hide alien from parents), one part Independence Day (Nellis airforce base. We’ve lost communication to the alien enemy, let’s use morse code! Soldiers and government ministers are involved!) and one part Turtles… Yeah; Turtles. Weird, right? Well, I guess the popular version of the Turtles owe back to the original Transformers, so…

Either way, it had me from start to finish, even so much so I was willing to ignore out of the blue nonsense, like: “We must protect the cube! Take it to the city!”... Yes, where all the people, whom the Autobots have sworn to protect, are… Good idea.

But nice performance by Shia, and hey, Megan Fox, who was given the role as bimbo even does a decent job as well (no mean spirit intended; but she is in Bay’s grasp, and he sure does like himself some bimbo’d up chicks).

I will say though, that the soldier and code-breaker subplots are largely irrelevant, and seem to serve only to lengthen the movie to beyond the 105 minutes running length it should’ve had (seeing as how it is really an 80’s movie in disguise… more than meets the eye, if you know what I mean).

So if you can find the child within yourself, ignore the cartoon-like story and enjoy a ‘let’s have us some robot carnage fun!’-film—or if you like moving things that make noise, definitely—go see this flick. It is the summer blockbuster, and I can understand why Die Hard did its very best to open before it, because it will get wasted by it.

AND IT HAS GIANT FUCKING ROBOTS IN IT! AAAAaaaaargh!

I’m easy like that.